Into the Tin

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On the way home from a road trip, Oxhorn, Staghorn, and Mortuus discover something on the side of the road that changes their lives forever.

Bonus Material

Click to Read Movie Script

Movie Script

Hi everybody, this will be my final movie. I really hope you enjoy it. Be sure to stay tuned for the credits, where I will say goodbye.

Into the Tin – Prologue

Scene 01

Ox, Stag and Mort are in a field near Bloodhoof. This opening bit has lots of tight, close-up shots of their faces while they talk back and forth. Fast-paced editing, blurry/blended camera when switching between characters and so-forth.

OX

Toilet paper?

STAG

Check!

OX

Bacon?

STAG

Check!

OX

An unreasonable and reckless confidence that we won’t be killed on this suicidal adventure?

MORT

Lol checkz0rz.

OX

Right, then gentlemen, it appears that we are ready for our… ROAD TRIP!

STAG & MORT

(vaguely camp)

Road trip!

Slight pause.

OX

(spoken as if he is really pleased with himself and just finished telling a great joke)

I’ve always wanted to do that.

Scene 02

Montage begins. Our heroes, riding kodos and being trailed by a number of pack kodos, ride off along the road. Set to some splendid music by Nathan, it is here we start the intro credits. Day and night go by, sleet and snow, etc., and the trio stops to see many famous sights throughout Azeroth. Use a number of the sights listed by the fans on the fan page. When the music stops, our heroes ease into the next scene.

Scene 03

The trio are on the road home. On their way back to Bloodhoof, they pass a sign saying “World’s Biggest Pecan Pie”.

STAG

Wow-eth! Stop, stop!

OX

What?

STAG

It dost be the world’s biggest pecan pie! We have to checketh it out.

OX

Oh come on man, we’ve been away for weeks and I’m exhausted. Let’s just go home.

MORT

Yeah n00b I need to give Lacey some sweet sweet lovin’.

Slight pause. Stag & Ox groan a bit.

STAG

…That horrible mental image aside, look-eth, this dost be a once in a lifetime opportunity. Cometh with me for just a moment, it won’t take-th long I promise. Eth.

OX

(said with a sigh)

Ten minutes. Got it?

STAG

Have it I dost.

The three dismount and walk towards the sign. Scene switches to a man, manning a booth upon which resist the pie. As they approach, the man greets them.

MAN

Step right up gentlemen and gaze at the world’s largest pecan pie! Three gold per ticket.

MORT

Wut, ftl? I’m not payin’ that, failz0rz, have fun d00dz, lol.

Mort walks off. STAG and OX pay the man 3 gold and walk up.

MAN

Thank you fine sirs, now feast your eyes upon this beauty!

MAN steps aside revealing the pie. Some supernatural/awesome sound effect, and it sparkles.

STAG

Mmm, I dost be wisheth-ing to feast my belly instead!

MAN

Now-now, this pie is meant for looking at, not for eating.

OX

How did you make it?

MAN

The misses is a fine cook and she whipped up this baby for a pie baking competition. She won, naturally.

As STAG starts fantasizing in the next bit, a thought bubble pops up again and shows a real-life depiction of what he is describing.

STAG

Ooo, whipped, like cream of the whipped persuasion! So light and fluffy, and warmed over a fire accompanied by scoops of ice cream, so sweet, so–

OX

Yeah ok enough of that. H-how did you get the pie so big?

MAN

The wife never said, but I’ve always had a sneaking suspicion that she…cheated. My old lady lived a past life as a warlock, see, and I bet she used her knowledge of super-evil-ginormification powers to ginormificate a normal pie. The masterpiece you see before you is the result, but some say that the pie contains evil powers that alter space and time. That’s why we’ve never eaten it.

OX

Wow how long did it take you to come up with that yarn.

MAN

About three weeks yeah.

STAG

Look, how much-eth would it take to buy-eth this pie offeth ye?

MAN

Oh it aint fer sale. No, see I sit here and charge tickets. That’s how I make money. With the pie gone, I’d have to get a real job! Look, my hands are purdy. Hard work would mess up my cuticles—I’m sorry, its out of the question.

STAG

What if I trad-eth ye for… THIS.

Stag holds up a sloppy ball of whatsit.

MAN

Eww! What is that? It looks like something that might have grown inside a suit of armor that has never been washed.

There is a slight pause.

STAG

No, no this is actually a piece of…. um… treasure-slop. It dost contain a magical power. If ye… plant-eth it in thine back yard, water it and wait a week, it will….

OX

Grow!

STAG

Yes that’s it. It will grow into a giant sparkling… ladder. Climb-eth it, and ye shalt find-eth thyself in a land of golden treasure.

OX

(while nodding)

Golden treasure.

MAN

Wow, are you for real? Is this the honest-to-goodness truth?

STAG

(pauses)

…Yes?

MAN

Sold!

The man and Stag trade the slop for the pie.

MAN

Haha, you got fleeced. There’s nothing magical about that pie. It’s just really big! Suckers!

STAG

Yeah. We doth be total suckers.

OX

Enjoy your treasure-slop, and congratz on besting us in a battle of wits.

OX and STAG walk back to the kodos.

MORT

What’s that d00ds?

STAG

It dost be my new most favorite-est thing! I shall strokeeth it and name-eth it Florence.

OX

Stag wait a minute… it… looks like its glowing.

Screen switches to the pie which is glowing faintly.

STAG

Don’t worry, that’s normal. It didst hear-eth my words of love and is blushing.

OX

Ok this is getting too creepy even for me, come on let’s go.

Scene 04

The caravan continues. They arrive back at Bloodhoof Village. Maybe there is a “the next day” sort of thing. The pie is on a table in the middle of the village. Surrounding the pie is all our friends.

STAG

Hearken, mine friends. I have gathered ye all here today to join-eth me in partaking of this glorious pie!

THUNK

Turkey pie?

STAG

No, pecan pie.

THUNK

Turkey?

STAG

Pecan.

GORE

Red snappah?

ALL

PECAN!

There is a slight pause as Warlord Gorechuck glances at the others.

GORE

Ok then.

APE

Well thanks for the offer Stag, but um… it doesn’t look very appetizing. I mean look, its glowing.

STAG

It’s not glowing, it dost be blushing. It isn’t used to this much attention. The shy thing.

OX

Yeah, I don’t mean to spoil your party but… I think I’m going to pass.

MORT

Me too d00d.

ALL

Yeah, pass, no thanks, eww.

STAG

Doest thou meaneth that the entire pie… is mine?

OX

The entire pie and the dysentery that will follow. Eat up.

Stag unsheathes his sword and roars.

STAG

Raaaa! Om nom nom nom nom nom.

Crumbs go flying, the pie dwindles, slop flies this way and that, and the crowd gags.

HAT

Reminds me of an… ogre drinking clam chowder through a straw.

Barnaby screeches in agreement.

GORE

I haven’t seen such a mess since I last changed my tighty-whiteys.

Stag finishes.

STAG

Oh, that pie didst bring-eth me happiness! My belly dost be filled with chewy splendor!

APE

As will the toilet later tonight.

He turns and pauses. The camera follows his actions slowly, with eases-in and eases-out, and the music gets a little more “looming”.

STAG

Oh look. A crumb.

Camera shifts to the pie tin. One crumb is left.

STAG

One juicy, pecan-y morsel is left, in the shape of that tasty crumb.

He talks slowly as if hypnotized and reaches out for the crumb.

It would be shame… to let it go… to waste.

As he touches the crumb he starts to stretch, distort and scream. His body appears like it is being sucked into the tin. OX calls STAG’s name and runs up and grabs him. STAG gets sucked in and OX struggles hard to retrieve his friend. MORT jumps in shouting “pwnt” or whatever, grabbing OX and trying to free him, until suddenly they all get sucked in, the pie tin twirls in the air and lands on the ground.

OX

Stag!

MORT

Noobz! Fail, fail, fail, ftl!

HAT

Wh-what just happened?

THUNK

Did they die?

APE

I… I don’t know.

GORE

Quick Mister Evil, cast some spell to bring them back!

APE

Um, er ok, well uh… jibbly, grindly, flampibbly… do?

Camera shot of the tin. Nothing.

APE

Hep, Um, er… gribble, flabble, fanky-twerp zam!

Camera shot of the tin. Nothing.

APE

It.. appears that our three friends have been sucked into another world…. forever.

HAT

Forever?

THUNK

Forever?

APE

Forever.

HAT

But… who… who will make fun of my singing now?

GORE

(lightly and under his breath)

Yes, I don’t think you need to worry about that one mate.

THUNK

You know, this is just like Dr. Who.

APE

No it isn’t!

HAT

Or sliders.

APE

Look, it’s nothing like Dr. Who. Or sliders, or Stargate,

Voyagers, Quantum Leap, or any other story with wormholes or alternate dimensions, or whatever. It’s completely original, and unique. Got it?

THUNK & HAT

Got it.

APE

Good. Still, we-we must find a way to get them back. It might take me some time because I just don’t know where to begin.

HAT

But…what will happen to them in the meantime? How will they stay safe?

All faces turn towards the tin. Camera zooms in slowly. Music starts to build.

Where are they?

The camera zooms into the pie tin which has become a whirlpool of teleportation. Music builds. Camera enters the pie and instantly zooms through a wormhole through space. The music, very Dr. Who-ish, climaxes. We pass Ox, Stag and Mort in turn as they whirl through space and time, until we stop upon the title—Into the Tin.

After the credits, they land in the real world.

OX

Ow, pain right in the second stomach.

MORT

Doodz… where are we n00bz?

OX

I…I don’t know. Wait a minute…

Scene switches between various recordings of hippies.

OX

Hippies…hippies…more hippies. I…I think we might be in Seattle.

ALL

*Screams*

FIN

Epilogue

Well everybody, I hope you enjoyed my movie. As I said earlier, this is going to be my final movie for a number of reasons.

I started making movies in 2004. The very first one I made was hark! Hear the Wails, and since then I’ve made dozens of dozens of dozens of movies, and thankfully you fans have been amazing. I really wouldn’t have continued making movies if not for you. You’ve been leaving amazing comments. I’ve had hundreds of thousands of views—if not millions of views—and I have all of you to thank for that.

Oxhorn has really sort of taken over my life in a way that I never thought that it would when I started working on these movies in college. Because of Oxhorn and my movies I have been able to visit many places around the world that I’d never thought I’d visit before. I got to live a technology life that I never thought I’d live. (I majored in history. It had nothing to do with technology).

Because of the skills I developed while making these movies I was able to establish a career in technology which I still have to this day, and which has allowed me to have a lifestyle that’s very blessed.

Because of my Oxhorn movies and because of you, I met my beautiful wife in 2010. We married in 2011, and in 2012 this little boy Gavin became our son. All thanks to you fans who watched my movies, bought my music, and even read my novel.

Which is right here. The Tale of Cloran Hastings, available from a number of online retailers, for a low-low price. Yes, that is my novel.

Anyway, thanks to all of you, I’ve had an amazing run doing my Oxhorn movies, and I’m really going to miss it. We’re all really going to miss it.

But, as I move on to other things, I hope that you’ll follow me in other areas. I’m going to continue to do my show Scotch & Smoke Rings, which you can watch every Thursday night at 7:00 PM Pacific time, at scotchandsmokerings.com.

I’m going to continue to work on my other projects, including my beard website, growabeardnow.com, and of course my blog, bloggingwithclass.com.

So, please stick around. I hope you can join me in other pursuits, and thanks so very much for being my fans over the years.

That said, if I ever have an opportunity to make movies again, I most certainly will because I’ve loved every moment of it.

So, that’s Oxhorn, signing out. Stay classy everybody.

P.S.

APE

Farewell, Azeroth.





74 Responses to Into the Tin

  1. karaNo Gravatar says:

    Man I was wondering where you were! I’ll miss you! I started playing wow soon after you made your videos. It’s been a blast, and I hope you have a good life!

  2. DiNo Gravatar says:

    I am really sad just finding out from the Scotch and smoke rings 209 episode that Oxhorn will not be making anymore movies :( They have to be one of the best WoW machinima out there. You are just teasing us right? There will be a come back tour yes?

  3. Hello, Classy Friend, it is Ghoulbreath, in case you hadn’t guessed.
    Oh, I so dearly wish I could write a long thank-you/rant ab ut you and your movies, however I’m sure I’ll do it anyways next Thursday, so I’ll do so then.
    Anyways, thank you for everything. I hope you realize how much your movies make a difference, from cheering a sad friend, to helping heartbreak, to just making a normal day extra funny and classy.
    We will miss the great animated adventures known as the Oxhorn Brand Movies, however I do hope that you could write a book, or write scripts, or even let another animated take on the challenge, so the legacy can live on as long as fans want it to.
    Your friend and fan,
    -Ghoulbreath

  4. callunajNo Gravatar says:

    Many MANY thanks for all the laughs over the years! Glad to see a gent with his priorities straight regarding family life, and glad you’re not vanishing entirely! Dr. Who is 50 years old this year, by the way!

  5. ammieNo Gravatar says:

    we are gonna miss all of your great movies, Ox. i loved inventing swear words and the peace circle. hope i get to run into you in the future.

  6. KimmersNo Gravatar says:

    No sir! Thank you for taking the time to make us all laugh! And I’m really happy to hear that your hobby helped you pursue a job, not a lot of people can say that. ;) My boys and I had always enjoyed sitting to watch each new video as they came out. ROFLMOA was the one they liked the most. It’s bittersweet to see you move on, but it’s bound to happen! Life is ever changing! I had always planned to try and meet you and get a picture and all, but when I did see you finally at the various Blizzcons I was stuck on seat duty. DOH! LoL! :P

    Oh well! Life moves on for all of us and I wish you AND your family the best. And may you continue to grow and prosper in whatever you pursue. Thank you Oxhorn!

  7. Ryker BeckNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks so much for the laughs, Oxhorn! You may not remember me, but you made a machinima for me years back for my boyfriend and my anniversary – I had written a letter that I wanted Mortuus to read to him. It was fabulous and it made his day. Thank you so much for that. :)

  8. Oh Oxhorn. Always advertising your book.

    I’ve enjoyed your movies from the very start, where its been a big part of my childhood. I am truly going to miss it all.

    I shall try to attend more Scotch and Smoke Rings, though it will be difficult since I am moving back to my home country of Denmark, where it will be 2 AM when the show airs – but I will be sure to pop in from time to time.

    I will be sure to stay classy.

  9. BekeNo Gravatar says:

    Brandon,
    Thank you so much for the years of entertainment via your movies; they have made me laugh so hard and had my grandson bopping around to the music during your parodies. I wish you much luck in all of your future endeavors and hope that someday you will return to making movies – even if just for a holiday special. :D

  10. JodyNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you for all of the wonderful Oxhorn movies. I can’t count how many times I have watched them. I am sad to see them end and wish you well in all your future endeavors.

  11. I’ve loved watching your videos, and you will be sorely missed. My favorite memory of your movies has to to ROFLMAO. My son was potty training at the time, and we were having trouble keeping him on the toilet long enough for him to realize he had to go. So my husband would flounce back and forth from one side of the doorway to the other singing that to our son while he sat on the potty, and more often than not it worked. Jake even learned the words and sang it to his then-baby sister. My kids are now 9 and 6, and they still like listening to your songs in the car. We love you!

    • OxhornNo Gravatar says:

      Thanks SO much for sharing this! We’re going through a similar stage with our boy now. He’ll be potty training soon. I’m happy that my movies have meant what they did to your family :)

  12. BrasscoNo Gravatar says:

    Thx for the many many years of vids and fun.
    I enjoyed every movie, great fun on a sunday afternoon.

    ./salute

  13. tarianNo Gravatar says:

    Have a great life Oxhorn, you’ll be missed. I’ve watched your movies since ’05 I think, with Red Snapper. “It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like This Raid Isn’t Going to Happen ” has somehow snuck its way into many of my playlists.

  14. Sad to see you stop making movies. I’ve really enjoyed your work. Well done, Brandon!

  15. ben baymanNo Gravatar says:

    noooo oxhorn u carnt quit already ur my hero without u I dnt know what ill do :’(

  16. JonathanNo Gravatar says:

    Hey Ox, sad you’re stopping making videos, but thank you for all you’ve bestowed beyond us!
    You’re the one that got me into Wow Machinima, Wow music/parodies, and a whole lot more.
    I shall always cherish your productions, and they’ll always have a place on my various media and storage devices :)
    Good luck, and as always, stay classy!

  17. RebeccaNo Gravatar says:

    Oxhorn, Brandon. I have been watching your movies since I first started wow in 2005 – I have the enviable title among my peers (well perhaps not so enviable to some) as being the one who knows all the words to the oxhorn brand medley. Your videos and songs have marked many memories and happy times, (Christmas just isn’t the same without a rousing rendition of Three Rogues, and Hark hear the wails Sung by myself and my partner in our out and out geekery)

    I’m proud to have had the chance to listen and watch from then until now, to see you develop as a creator, and to see it come to fruition with your career, your wife, and your wonderful baby boy (He’s adorable! Enjoy him, they grow up so fast!)

    Wishing you all the best for the future.

    Becca of Many Servers E.U.

  18. CocoaNo Gravatar says:

    I’ve really enjoyed your movies, you’ll truly be missed. Glad that in some small way that I contributed to a happy, successful family (your son is adorable!). Good luck in all that you do!

    Cocoa

  19. Your movies have brought me many smiles over the years, and you can bet that I’ll be watching them again every time I need a little pick-me-up in the happiness department. :) We listen to your songs a lot at Friday Night Magic up at my uni, and it just makes it even more fun!

    I need to quit missing S&SR every Thursday. I think I’ve only gotten to tune in like, twice, since you started doing it! :( *le QQ*

    Have a great night/day, and I’ll catch you on the next episode of S&SR! Gotta have that bit of “me” time in between work, school, and interning, and what better way to do it than by watching your show, right? Right? xD

    • OxhornNo Gravatar says:

      Thanks! The next episode of S&SR will be loads of fun, so don’t miss it. I’m glad you and your friends listen to my music! I hope to make more someday.

  20. AceNo Gravatar says:

    Best of luck to you, sir. Your films have been a source for many laughs when I needed one. thank you!

  21. TokaNo Gravatar says:

    I am sad to see you leave. Your son is adorable!

  22. So this is it then. You’ve finally put it down. At least with a great ending. It was nothing like Dr. who.

    I will stick around for your other stuff and maybe, if you find the time, we could team up for short events now and then. Let’s not forget where it started and that it was about games to begin with. I got a live show where I… play games. Yh it’s not original, but it’s something. Could always join me in that some time if you wish. So you know you are invited ;)
    And of course I’ll continue to hold the Scotch and smoke rings steam group.

    For now, see you around my friend.
    Stay Classy.

    -ElToroGuaco

  23. Sad to hear this was your final movie. However, I do understand why. Wishing you and your lovely family all the best life has to offer. Stay classy as always.

  24. CladdanNo Gravatar says:

    I Used to watch and rewatch all of your videos a few years back. I still find myself watching them to this day. Thanks for everything Mr Oxhorn!

  25. Thanks for being a great source of creativity and entertainment. I’ve been a long following fan from the very beginning and I’ve enjoyed every movie/song you have made.
    You’ll always be my favourite WoW machinimator!
    It’s shocking to hear this will be your last movie, but unfortunately all good things have to come to and end.
    I hope you’ll have a great life with your wife and son :)

  26. ZhyonNo Gravatar says:

    Hah. Great to see the old gang together again. Thanks for all the hard work! Now go enjoy your family!

  27. FelicityNo Gravatar says:

    The end of a fine era -tips hat-

  28. Brent BallNo Gravatar says:

    I was curious to know what became of Oxhorn. gonna miss new Oxhorn films but I’m glad that closure was brought to the Oxhorn videos. :) alot of respect for you man.

  29. at the 8 min period i thought to myself. i hope you made that music up and not used the Original Dr. Who Tune. cos BBC will Screw you for that. since its their Tv Show.

    • OxhornNo Gravatar says:

      The music was composed by Clint Hackleman of Myndflame (Illegal Danish fame). He made it from scratch, so I have my ducks all in a row. Is dotted and Ts crossed, and so forth.

  30. awww.. shame to see you stop Oxhorn. Maybe you could do Game Review Vids or Something on the Tube.

    Nice to see an old Friend doing the Music for ya. “Nathan”

    • OxhornNo Gravatar says:

      Yeah Nathan is a good guy, he does great work. I will start doing casual flash game reviews here on oxhorn.com. I have a few done already. Click the GAMES link at the top to see what I have so far.

  31. Greetings, Ox! Great movie.
    It’s a pity that it is the last one.
    In the end, though, it looked like a possible sequel may come? Hmm?
    Anyway – I thank you for all the entertainment and inspiration you gave me. I’ll be sure to continue to watch Scotch & Smoke Rings, you have luck on your travels and continue to be an amazing chap!

    • OxhornNo Gravatar says:

      I’d certainly love to make a sequel. I have story arcs written for Mister Evil and our happy trio after this movie. I just wish I had the time to make them!

  32. GoatNo Gravatar says:

    I’m greatly saddened at the retirement of one of my favourite WoW movie makers but I know he has his reasons. I hope life turns out well for him, maybe one day…you’ll look out of your window and see a flying gnome with a sore bottom. Goodbye you pipe-smoking, scotch-drinking bearded bastard. We will miss you!

  33. Thank you for everything Brandon

    I watched you from the very start, i will miss your creative Wow videos and i wish you all well in the future with all projects

    And we will all stay classey :)

  34. AedonixNo Gravatar says:

    Wow!! Doctor Moo returns.. I remember making that clip to submit to scotch and smokerings… nice to see it improved upon

    • OxhornNo Gravatar says:

      Yes, that was you! I had an idea to do something spoofing Dr. Who, and then after I saw your fan art, I had to do it! Something that resonates with the fans.

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